However hard it is Grief is important. I was on the commitee for a baby loss charity and we had parents who buried their grief with their baby and only let it out decades later, We are all here for you Catbells. Wish I could do more than be there at the forum.Take each day as it comes. Bereavement councelling can be useful. it helped me in the past. Take care. Fleur

phoned her this morning.

another very confused conversation.

didnt know where i lived. i'm not sure she really knew who i was either.

her daughter is coming over from the States tomorrow so hoping to praps go over next weekend to see them both and offer my support.

x

I imagine her daughter will appreciate your support

just spoken to her daughter who arrived from the States today. had a good conversation. She and a friend of the family is going to look at a couple of nursing homes tomorrow. The plan is that most likely Elizabeth will move into such a home within the next couple of months. Becoming more of a problem to curb her night time wanderings. and the police are involved more and more. And she is more and more becoming confused for more of the time.

oh God - its just desperately sad that this awful disease should have been her demise.

Anyway - i'm going over there on Saturday. to be there with Elizabeth and her daughter. to be an extra pair of hands and/or ears. just to be there with them. to do jobs, whatever really.

Having spoken to B it feels important that i go...to support her, to see Elizabeth. to gather some more memories...

x

I know I would have appreciated that sort of support Catbells. If she hasn't seen her mum for a while it will be a shock to see the deterioration and a good caring friend will make that easier to bear.

i feel fairly devastated with it all at the moment. probably mixed up with mum's anniversary too. just a huge loss. of all that she was. i know...to make the most, to treasure the memories - all of that. hard to explain. right now it would be lovely to have a proper conversation with her again - and i know pretty much that that wont ever happen again.

this feels a bit like when you have children and there is no warning of the night they wont ask for a bedtime kiss...nothing prepares you - praps nothing can prepare you for that. another kind of loss.

And its a disease which is hard to really comprehend isnt it. how can you not know who you are, or where you are....for example. i know my memory sometimes fails and i cant think of the right word and i find that frustrating enough! but tohave no recollection of things, or how to do things - that must be really frightening, scary. and yet as it would appear she has no knowledge of what she cnt remember - if that makes sense.

thanks hollyw...

x

Good to see E and her daughter yesterday and to spend some time with them both.

E is surprisingly accepting of the care home. Her daughter took her to see it last week and the whole idea has gone down amazingly well considering. E is desperately sad for what she will lose re her home and her belongings. That's a huge decision for anyone at the best of times. must be doubly hard when your ability to think and reason has pretty much gone. Alot of the time she cannot take in what ppl tell her, so its not a case of remembering - but the brain not processing it - so to her mind its not been said or she's not been told.

in some ways too close to home. hard to watch mother and daughter together. aching for what i lost a long time ago. but on another level feeling pleased that they have this time together. that these times are priceless and precious.

asked E to show me her memory book and could see the pleasure which that gave her. such a simple idea - the concept of the book.

a poignant day.

x

had an email from E's daughter this evening,. E is being moved into the care home in the next week or so.

feels fairly devasting news. i know she will be safer there. i know that.

will just take time for that to sink in. my thoughts are very much with E's 2 children. and the heartache and the sadness that is happening right now. Awful disease. and with E too. though i dont know how much she is really aware of. i dont know whether that makes this better or worse for her.

x

Catbells. You are right when you say it's best for her safety, peace of mind for her family.

A brave but necessary decision.

When someone with Alzheimer's gets to the stage that they are no longer safe at home their memory is usually so bad that they are not aware of their surroundings. E will probably settle very quickly especially if it is a home specialising in dementia. Make sure she has some familiar things in her room.

Dad settled quickly and even though he was never a great socialite he enjoyed joining in some activities and just watching others.

The hardest thing is for the relatives to get over the guilt but a good home will understand and help them. It really is the safest place and will give her family peace of mind.

to you and her family.

Bubblesdream

my heart goes out to you. hugs if you would like them ((((((((((((((((((Bubblesdream)))))))))))))))))

Elizabeh moved into the care home yesterday.

she thinks its for a month. in reality its forever. Her children have the necessary paperwork to enforce her stay there.

i know i can write to her...

i feel utterly bereft this evening., alot of other memories kick in.

i hope to God she is ok...my heart goes out to her children esp her son who took her there. what on earth must she be thinking and feeling. praps she's gone to some other world in her mind.

x

Big hugs to today Catbells My Nan had Altzhiemers and went into a home ,after much persuading from the family as we were worried that she was unable to cope at home anymore ,but anyway she settled in well and was happy in her own little world and made new friends. She also had activities and professional carers who provide some comfort to friends and family that the loved one is being well looked after. Take care Catbells, Im sure she will be ok. She is lucky to have such a good friend in you.x

Thank You Catbells ...I love hugs! She will be well looked after and will be ok so don't worry! Take care

for catbells and bubblesdream.