TA chat forum

catbells · Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject:

i know - i trust that she will be well cared for.

i guess too its the reality. i knew it was going to happen,

i shall never go back to her home and find her there. sadness for her that she will never go back to her home. i know she will be safer where she is.

but...Loss has to be felt and mourned. saying all the logical things is fine - but grieving is part of the process too.

x

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hollyw · Top poster Joined: 18 Oct 2007 Posts: 1497

It takes time to accept even when you know it's for the best. Your head says one thing and your heart another.

Take each day at a time (another clique) and work through things in your own way and in your own time.

Jack-of-all-Trades · prefect Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 9817 Location: england

Sorry catbells I find it had to read this thread so will probably be my last visit here.I reallly feel for you it is a dreadful illness. You have been a great friend and support to this family.

My mmum has had several strokes and may be starting with it the doctor has put it down as that because my sister was told to get a fulltime job.She left the UK to look after mum because she isn't safe on her own.He isn't sure if it is or because of the strokes.I rang her the other day and was having a lovely conversation when she mentioned I hadn't been to her new house( sis sold mum's to pool money to buy a bigger one as she has three kids).This has happened before so I said 'Yes mum we were there at Christmas.' She didn't remember. Crying or Very sad

Teebee · Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject:

to you catbells

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bubblesdream · Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:37 pm Post subject:

hollyw wrote:

for catbells and bubblesdream.

Thank you Holly!!!

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It will be alright in the end...If it's not alright...Then It's not the end!!

catbells · Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:55 pm Post subject:

Jack-of-all-Trades wrote:

Sorry catbells I find it had to read this thread so will probably be my last visit here.I reallly feel for you it is a dreadful illness.

(((((((((((((Jack of all Trades)))))))))))))))))))

that's ok. i understand. sometimes things do come too close to home dont they. i'm sorry about your mum. that must be hard indeed.

I love Elizabeth. simple as that. She was there for me at a time i badly needed someone to be. and down the years i guess we have been there for one another. She has alwys been interested in my family. and i in hers.

i went into town today and lit a candle for her in the cathedral. and that small symbolic act gave me some comfort.

Take care of you Jack.

Catbells xx

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We have nothing to fear in failure; to fail we must have been brave enough to try.

catbells · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:49 am Post subject:

i phoned Elizabeth up yesterday in the care home. shall try and phone her more often. dont want to be seen to be a nuisance...

I SO wanted to share my sons' news with her. It was so lovely to be able to hear her voice again. Poignant too - she was wanting to go back to her home which she left b4 moving into her last one if you see what i mean. and yet she also knew that the answer would be no.

I miss her.

x

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We have nothing to fear in failure; to fail we must have been brave enough to try.

Medusa · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:43 am Post subject:

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bubblesdream · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:53 am Post subject:

catbells wrote:

i phoned Elizabeth up yesterday in the care home. shall try and phone her more often. dont want to be seen to be a nuisance...

I SO wanted to share my sons' news with her. It was so lovely to be able to hear her voice again. Poignant too - she was wanting to go back to her home which she left b4 moving into her last one if you see what i mean. and yet she also knew that the answer would be no.

I miss her.

x

Don't feel like you are a nuisance treat the nursing home as her home and don't worry about ringing her.

Do try to prepare yourself for things to get much worse and you will go through a lot of different emotions as she will go through stages of the illness....my worse one was aggression as my mother was such a placid and proud woman before hand but she became angry and swore said disgusting things... she didn't realise she was doing it and would have been horrified at herself... couldn't take the kids to see her for a while. Now she is just a shell and opens her mouth like a bird to be fed when you go near her even just to kiss her so the twins like to go and feed her...I miss her but you do become more accepting as time goes by but the beginning is the worst...xx

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It will be alright in the end...If it's not alright...Then It's not the end!!

catbells · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject:

Thanks BB for that.

have spoken to E's daughter tonight who is over here again. and E now has her own phone in her room so i can phone whenever...that fills me with delight at that prospect. i have missed her these last few weeks. missed hearing her voice.

i hope to go and see her sometime in September.

Catbells x

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We have nothing to fear in failure; to fail we must have been brave enough to try.

bubblesdream · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:20 am Post subject:

That is good news Catbells and enjoy your visit with her. Must go and visit my mam..don't go enough and her home is only about 3 or 4 miles away...always feel quilty for not going Embarassed

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It will be alright in the end...If it's not alright...Then It's not the end!!

whosrose · Competition Guru Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 11107

Big hugs for you both hug

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“Do not watch the petals fall from the rose with sadness, know that,
like life, things sometimes must fade, before they can bloom again.”

bubblesdream · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:36 am Post subject:

Thanks Rose! It's nice to have support Very Happy

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It will be alright in the end...If it's not alright...Then It's not the end!!

catbells · Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:53 am Post subject:

Tuesday is the day the social worker tells E that she cannot go back to her own home.

and with that awful news - maybe E can continue with the grieiving process. i think part of her knows that which is why i write 'continue'. praps somewhere along the line she can find closure. And peace. That more than anything really.

Spoke with her daughter last night again - she's been over her for the last fortnight. she knows her mum is very low. nothing is right. they struggled through a hard day yesterday.

i ache for them all. watching your mother struggle with things which are just beyond her comprehension now must be so so hard and painful. we were trying to envisage how it must be in her world. and neither of us could. well envisage maybe. but the reality? worlds apart i would think.

half of me wants to go over there this week. see her daughter. see E. i cant do it. work gets in the way. and maybe i would be in the way too. maybe they need this time together . my time can be when B has gone back to the states.

just so hard all of this., there are some things in life you just cant make better. this is one of them.

x

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We have nothing to fear in failure; to fail we must have been brave enough to try.

catbells · Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2008 9:01 pm Post subject:

spoke to Elizabeth on the phone this afternoon.

she sounded very low, weepy, distressed.

the reality that she cant go home. ever.

and there are no words are there. there just arent. esp when her mind isnt rational anymore.

i just ached for her, ached with her. listened. was there.

at the end of the day thats all i can do.

i'm sorry. this thread isnt going to go away. nor get much happier.

just needed to say how it was.

we've been this way with my inlaws the only difference that they didnt have Alzheimer's to contend with - but the same problem of moving into a nursing home and not being able to go home.,

must be so hard for her. it just must. words dont even touch it do they. what on earth can i possibly say to her which will make any difference.

not sure even that 'i love you' helps.

x

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We have nothing to fear in failure; to fail we must have been brave enough to try.